my grandma just passed away last saturday. my mom messaged me in the wee saturday morning asking me to go home. i went to uncle roger's house and there she was, covered with a piece of cloth, lying on her favorite lazy chair. my dad slowly unveil the cloth over her head, and we (the grandchildrens) had to tell her that we came to see her. she looked so calm because she went off in her sleep. then, the two days final goodbyes ceremony was done in the house. she was dressed in old chinese robe, slightly make up, and placed in the coffin. the coffin was placed in the center of the living room, allowing any one who wished to see her and bid her last farewell. i've looked into the coffin for quite some time and somehow wished that she was still here with us.

the praying ceremony went on for 2 days. the second day was the teochew praying ceremony. i had no idea what's the dialect but ah ma definitely knows. it was for her that we're praying. there was this unforgettable part where the prayer's all about asking ah ma to cross over the bridge. it touches everybody, including my grandma (mom's side) who attented the ceremony. from the way i see it, it was about the mother, and grandmother who tells her children and grandchildren to be good and that she has to leave now to another side of the world but yet, she will still look out for each and everyone of us here. she still was reluctant to leave because of her love for us, but she has to, that's the right thing to do. when the prayers was going on, i cant help but thinking back of all the things that she'd done, how she was like when she's still here, how much she'd changed when she'd gotten old, how much i missed her.

she was cremated and her bones were placed in an urn in nilai memorial park. some prayers were done there as well, in order to "invite" her to her "new home", it was trully a saddening moment but everybody seems to have finally be able to accept the fact that she's gone. there is yet another prayer to be done in the 7th day pass her death, which will be this friday. we chinese believed that the soul of the dead will come back to visit her loved ones on the 7th day itself before she finally could cross over to the next world.

i've cried again while sitting in the living room just now. thinking back of her is such a hard thing to do because i thought that i could at least had treated her more nicely and all. i'm gonna miss her.