two blog entries in a day, yay for myself. actually i was already lying on the bed when suddenly i feel like blogging. the previous blog entry was of an importance cause i usually only blog about my weekends. so here's something new. this has nothing at all to do with the weekends fun i had or am having, or will be having, whatever.

i was closing my eyes, and then i thought to myself. i am happy. maybe it was the substances that causes all these on and off feeling about me being happy with the boyfriend or not. and now when i suddenly realised that i've never came to love him as much as he loves me, i felt lucky. i am happy to be with him throughout odd days, i realised that it was with him that i could be myself, i could do all the silly faces and yet he still tells me that i'm beautiful, i could shout at him all i want on my bad days and all he would do is to looked me in the eye, with a smile reassuring me that everything's going to be ok. i do him wrong, i fucking took him for granted at times, and yet, he made sure that he'll always be there when i needed a hug, a cuddle or even simply a company. he's there beside me all the time and i know that it was my problem that i dont appreciate that as much as others would do. i argued with him for not giving me my personal space and he understood that. it seems like he's always the one giving and i'm always the fucked up person on the other side taking everything from him.

it doesnt bother me now that he snores when he sleeps at night now, i came to know that he was tired. tired of managing his own life and now, mine. i felt that much closer to him now that his knees are directly behind my back. haha. but i'm in my clear mind when i say this, i still need my personal space and am definitely not ready to settle down yet. i guess that's probably why i'm drawing myself further and further away from him. he's trying his best to catch up with my pace and i really dont know how much further will he be running after me before he got so exhausted and decided to give up. if things really doesnt work out in the future, what's important is that i've loved him and he had loved me too. the rest doesnt really matter.

i'm so sick now i could barely feel my fingers on the keyboard as i was typing. i had better go to bed now before i passed out on myself instead. night everybody. love you bbs.