y e s t e r d a y

New beginning

2010-07-08T18:19:00.002+08:00

I have totally forgotten about having this blog until I received this email notification about comments added in my Gmail. I've checked the last posted date and it's dated 2 years ago! A whooping 2 years! Time sure flies, it doesn't feel that long ago since I last blog. Oh well, lots have happened in the past 2 years. I won't be writing every single detail down here, it wouldn't have fit anyways. To summarize it, I've changed company early this year (March, to be specific) to Originex Networks Sdn Bhd. I would call it a big change for me, experience wise. A good change, nonetheless. Happier working environment, handful of things to learn, so it's all good for now. I don't know how long am I going to stay here for but one thing I know, is that IT is not something I want to do in the future. I figured I still have quite a reasonable amount of time to really think about what I would want to do later in my life.

Moving on, I've also met someone really special. For once, I am sure of my feelings towards the relationship, towards him. I really want things to work, this time around. Enough of fooling around, that's what my dad says. It's not like I have any plans as of now to settle down, but I would work my ass off to make sure that things works between us and I know for a fact that he feels the same way too. So it's mutual :) We have recently moved into Riana Green and I would like to call it our sanctuary. I figured paradise would be too much of a word for it :)

Looking on the down side, I haven't been the most healthy me this year. I'm still counting how many times have I ended up in the hospital. Remembered once was for chronic gastric, then just recently is for food poisoning. Awful, bad experience. I've gotten jab twice on my left ass cheek, once on my right ass cheek and once on my left hand only to get rid of the pain. Well, sure hope that will not happen again (fingers crossed). Well, I had better go off now. I'll be heading to the Curve for dinner with my sis while waiting for Alvin to settle his things. Heard Eclipse is out today, going to try to grab some tickets. Hehe!

12.07.2008

2008-07-12T00:35:00.002+08:00

i just stepped out from the shower, feeling all clean now so I've decided to blog. My new job is starting this Monday, felt a little excited over working with the new company. I guess it's because one of my colleague is supposed to be bringing a bottle of wine to celebrate me joining the company that had caused all the excitement. Alcohol never fails to excite me nevertheless. Speaking of which, we should all rejoice and hail to the existence of alcohol! Enough with the new job/alcohol bit, last few days, i was partying with the girls in Diane's/Paul's place. It has been such long time we party that long. We started from about 11-ish at night and probably leave around 5pm the next day. Hooray to that! That's it, I'm running out of stuff to write. Carlsberg please!

Dilemma

2008-06-14T19:10:00.002+08:00

i feel pathetic. i feel vulnerable. i feel weak. i've missed my crying day this month. i need to get away.

*totally random*

Are you really here or am I dreaming
I can't tell dreams from truth
for it's been so long since I have seen you
I can hardly remember your face anymore

When I get really lonely
and the distance causes our silence
I think of you smiling
with pride in your eyes a lover that sighs

If you want me satisfy me, if you want me satisfy me
If you want me satisfy me, if you want me satisfy me

Are you really sure that you’d believe me
when others say I lie
I wonder if you could ever despise me
when you know I really try
to be a better one to satisfy you
For your everything to me
and I’ll do what you ask me
if you’ll let me be, free

If you want me satisfy me, if you want me satisfy me
If you want me satisfy me, if you want me satisfy me
If you want me satisfy me, if you want me satisfy me

#if you want me by Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova [ from the movie 'ONCE']

petrol price increase

2008-06-06T17:45:00.002+08:00

people went petrol crazy last 2 days ago. It was announced and the increase of 1.92 to 2.70 were finalized. i wasn't about to join in the ridiculous queue for petrol but was obviously stuck in the jam caused by those petrol crazy people. i was told to avoid any road that has petrol stations at the sides, and so i've paid the toll and used the highway. anyways, i've seen how people can be so funny at times.

i left my office about 8 something. it wasn't long before i realised that i made the wrong turn and ended up joining the long queue. first, there was this lorry. i figured that the driver must be feeling really frustrated with the jam and so he had decided to do something outrageous. he suddenly decide to turn over to the opposite road, trying to go up and over the divider. ended up? the lorry got stucked on that divider, not able to move at all. everyone was laughing at him, he laughed himself too and start waving to the people around him.

AND THEN, there was this guy walking down the road, knocking on every car window and passed us this card that says: " use NGV, save petrol!!". the thing is, he had walk back and forth along this (approximately 100m or so?) road and i'm still pretty much stuck at the same spot. damn! the jam was terrible. first time i got stuck in a jam in freaking Kota Kemuning for about an hour or so.

i don't quite understand it though, it is not like you pump full tank and then it'll last you for a month? two to three more days the most? oh well, that's human. but it's people like this that puts a smile on my face when i'm thinking about it, it practically brightens up my day cause it's always funny to laugh at someone else. i know i'm mean but it's true!

binocular - deep

2008-05-27T17:10:00.002+08:00

So this is what you mean
And this is how you feel
So this is how you see
And this is how you breathe

SometimesI know
SometimesI go down deep
Oh
So this is what you mean
And this is how you feel
So this how you see
And this is how you breathe

SometimesI know
SometimesI go down deep
Oh
Beneath the deep blue sea
Touching every breath
All a slight off hand
For everything you left

SometimesI know
SometimesI go down deep
Oh
SometimesI give myself for you
SometimesI know down deep

note: loving this song so much! It's by Binocular - Deep.

a thing called relationship

2008-05-24T20:38:00.002+08:00

i hate confrontation, who doesn't? right? But i've learned that it's something we all must go through. tough process. things happened for a reason, whether it's caused by own-self or for what ever reason there is. Facing the consequences is the hardest part of all. Letting go of the luxuries that were given to you is another thing, getting rid of the companionship one has gotten so used to, moving on to a new chapter of life with new faces around. Thoughts that slap you right on your face. anyways, bet all of you wouldn't know what i'm blogging up until now. Nevermind all that now. i gotta be heading out to tapao food.

weird

2008-05-23T10:49:00.002+08:00

it's a strange world we all lived in. something i thought is auricular, not anymore now. sometimes, it's funny how things had turned out to be. I really don't know whether to laugh along with it, or to cry because of it. emotions are barely useful at these times.

headache. panadol. fuck!

hungry.

happy days

2008-05-16T23:39:00.002+08:00

I've been feeling really joyful for the past few days. well, you know when a girl says that she's happy, it's usually because of some guy. It's a norm, and this time, it's right. i've longed to feel this feeling of being so obsessed with someone, the feeling of wanting someone so badly but couldn't own; the thrill of the chase. Like i said, the best thing you'll ever have in life are things you could never get. Never could seemed to appreciate more once it is yours. anyways, yes. i'm happy. and yes. it's because of someone. at first, i thought that it was just another 3minutes stuff that i'm into and after that, i'll get over it. instead, this stays longer than it should. thus, it turns into something scary. maybe it should be served as a warning, but i'm no longer sure about that. so, me being my usual self. not going to deny it if it's real, and we'll just see how things will go from there.

as sinful as the demon from hell, here i add another thing to the list of things that earned me a bungalow in hell. deja vu. puddle of mudd playing on the screen is really just distracting my train of thoughts. but hey! it's the charlatans!! first time hearing them, pretty good shit.

right, i havent been blogging about the PD rave. let's see. journey to PD is a pretty good one, the jam doesnt really bother me since i dont have to drive. hehe. pity Jeff, the one driving all the way there (happily sipping his dutch lady milk). so we reach around 6pm, and the first destination - the Dome. it's really cool that they have it in rave, and i will demand that they have it in every rave there is in Malaysia. it's so cooling inside i barely want to leave. we had tons of beers (beers make people happy, so you should drink more). Met Alfred, havent seen him in ages but nothing much had changed about him. good thing, dont worry. anyways, tiesto starts spinning. we went out, it was a blast. was trippin' most of the time and yea, that's probably how i remembered the night. Heard a few stoopid things i've done there, not surprising. you have to know me long enough to think that these things werent even worth mentioning, hehe.

i have to say that i had fun. raves in PD couldnt go wrong, superstitious me. So, back to normal working life now. nothing extraordinary has taken place, i felt good about someone, no doubt about that. wasnt sure if it's love yet, it's still too early to determine anything. i'll blog once i have the chance to. hopefully soon.

i'm back! =)

2008-05-06T00:40:00.003+08:00

it's been so long since i've writen any entry for my blog. i'm glad somewhere at the back of my mind, i still remember that i have a blog ;p anyways, time flies; many things have changed, Diane has a guy that she calls her boyfriend; some drama plot in some blockbuster movies are actually taking place in the real world, THE real world. please don't mind me, i'm still very much amused by it. I'm still trying to summarize the little and also major incidents that took place in the past 2 months. Short period filled with exciting events, starting with the drama that taught all of us to "know who your real friends are", followed by the "i-still-cannot-believe-it" Diane and Paul's blooming relationship and so forth. out of all these wonders, people change. and it's always fun to see people change! it's like "i would never be like that" before and now these words are slaping us right on our face. that's a proof that people do change, and some calls it growing. No, plants grow, people.. well, people gets old. heck to what i'm saying, at first i thought i was making a point, then it all leads to nowhere.

talking about olden days, i've always loved rave parties. they're practically the only thing that i look forward to every year, my goal. now i sound useless, never mind. the point being is that i realized that i'm not all that enthusiastic about rave parties anymore. Nevertheless, i still try to make it a point that i want to go. simply short, i've lost the "flame". the dressing up, going out at night to party. drink and be unconscious of what i'm doing (that's actually the exciting part). yes, i am going to repeat here again on my blog: I'm aging! back to the point, the reason that i still want to go to rave parties (i think) is because i wanted to know how it feels like again to be so care-free and just throw myself out there to have major fun! So, yes, Tiesto's playing in this upcoming rave in Port Dickson and I am going!

I really wanted to blog more about stuff (i have like tons of things that i wanted to write about) but the annoying headache is back, plus the flu. guess i'll rest early tonight. lots of love, muacks!

alzheimer

2008-03-10T02:28:00.002+08:00

have you ever felt like you're going through karma? the things that i've done to people that i thought doesn't matter much back then suddenly became important when it's happening to me. i was just talking about alzheimer with a good friend of mine and i felt like it's a good thing. sounded weird, but true. there's so many things that i would rather forget. i know i sounded very depressing now but there's really nothing much in my life that is beautiful and significant enough worth remembering. alzheimer is like living a new life day after day. wouldn't it be great? something fun would still be fun even if you do it repetitively everyday. one day you're hurt, the next it's like it has never happened before. since i don't have alzheimer, so i have to go un-depress myself now.

self inflicted pressure

2008-03-02T15:10:00.002+08:00

self-inflicted pressure, that's the kind of pressure that i'm having now. sadly but true, i imposed tons and tons of pressure onto my helpless body and mind and felt like there's nothing that i could do about it. thus, my body and mind is on full speed treadmill trying to keep up with the tight schedule and expectations that i've set for them. what's worst is that i didnt even realize that until Mr. X told me that through the phone. i seriously need to do something about it before lines start to appear across my face and eye-bags start to make me feel miserable. therefore, i declare this beautiful Sunday to be my "not-doing-anything" day! put the treadmill on hold before having to continue running tomorrow; set the speed to be at most medium at all time; take a break every now and then to see that there is life apart from working; go out with my friends and do more crazy stuff to remind myself that there's a bigger reason to why i am alive.

now, i need to clear my head and dream about beautiful things in my sleep. my second one for today =)

pictures of my baby!!

2008-02-23T13:14:00.006+08:00

Read the title, wiggle the tail!

ruff*

It's a jack russel, if you don't know already.

the color of my hair when it hasn't faded

randomness, dwen playing Jenga in the saloon

werk it out!

2008-02-23T12:51:00.002+08:00

Finally, i have the time to blog. it's a beautiful Saturday today, beautiful because I don't have to work; beautiful because I have the privilege to sleep in; beautiful because for the first time in the whole past week that i feel like i have sufficient sleep. For all of you that don't know, i've started working. already one week passed and i feel like i've achieved something. Something i thought was impossible right from the beginning. i could wake up so early and reach my workplace at least 15 minutes earlier. *applause* In addition, i leave work much later that i've expected. *standing ovation*

anyways, nuff about work now. i need to spend my weekend wisely. i missed TAG, yet again. not surprising though, i've missed it for quite some-time now. yesterday i just really couldn't go, need sleep. since i've partied on Chap Goh Mei, drinking way too much wine and with only 2 hours of sleep before entering work. guess i'm too old for all these hardcore partying now. i still longed for the one friday when i could actually go to TAG again! just to see how much it has change over there.

certain somebody

2008-01-28T08:34:00.000+08:00

has anyone not know yet that my favorite movie now is Cashback? i am deeply in love with all the songs from the soundtrack. well, listening to them will always get me thinking about that certain somebody. i'm supposed to be going out with that certain somebody today for lunch because i have something utterly important to tell him. that something important is bad news for that certain somebody, i'm starting to feel that it is for me too. i hope that the certain somebody will take it the good way and if it's not too much to ask, reassure me that i'm making the right decision. the only reassurance i really want is from that certain somebody. now i'm all filled with words in my head, words to tell that certain somebody. i don't know if i could make this any easy for the both of us. somehow, this feels like a break-up which it actually shouldn't. so it is weird to have all the different feelings buried in my heart. i just couldn't bring myself to say those things to that certain somebody even though he has made me promise him to tell him at once. i'm in dilemma now, should i go and get things done with or come up with some lame-ass excuse and stay in, giving myself one day or more to figure out a better way to break this news to that certain somebody? i'm losing my sleep because of this. i never thought that i cared about that certain somebody this much. i'm starting to feel that i've made a mistake.

random picture posts

2008-01-17T08:09:00.001+08:00

some poor sleepy bastard's head gotten squeezed by the gigantic weird looking fingers (mine) in MRT (s'pore)

obviously cam-whoring in the MRT (s'pore)

yes, it's obvious (s'pore)

yummy-licious rojak (penang)

Pokey-Shell thingy that i love! (penang)

**next up, pictures of my "baby"!

sleeping in

2008-01-17T07:50:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I think we favor who we want to like and to be liked back based on personal reasons. Others that could have treated us better were not given fair chances. Or maybe it’s just me. I realized that I basically “reserve” myself for the one that I like and block out others that according to some, who will definitely treat me better. But to certain point, I will doubt if I’ve actually made the reasonable choice. My grandma told me that I should look for someone who loves me more than I do towards him. Safer for me, I think. I’m currently seeing someone on a regular basis, someone whom I like. The thing is, I think we don’t want things to involve too personally. Therefore, I always feel like there’s a Berlin wall built between us. I enjoy the companionship but I’m afraid that I would slowly neglect the distance supposed to be maintained between us and cross over to the other side. It sounds scary and I don’t want him to think that I’m giving him pressure if I tell him this. He told me that I don’t think like a 22 year old girl, that I’m very matured in that sense. Is it? I don’t think so. I can be as childish as I could be when it comes to things like this. I’ve actually decided not to think about it too much and take things as it comes. I want to think so, but I just can’t. This time, it’s so different from the usual, it makes me think and I hate it. On the other hand, I’ve been telling everyone that I won’t go back to my previous relationships. Lately, I realized that I might. The things that he did, every words and every actions taken by him to win me back has starting to change the way I looked at him. He seemed so affected by the whole break-up thing and had suddenly decided to take an 180⁰ change with himself. I know that people don’t just change like that, even if they do, it will only be for a while. I don’t sound like myself if I say this, but I think he could have changed for a better. Hence, here I am, loosing my sleep because of these and staying up late to blog simply because I really need to write it out.

did i mention that my ex has got me a jack russell? so cute! added points to that. why is it that he always answers to my needs? whether or not it is coincidence, i need help and he IS there. i kinda like the other boy but i don't think he could give me what i really want; i need to reach for a balance here! Can the outside love make up to my lack of family love? I just wanted a shoulder to lean on when i feel like the whole world comes tumbling down on me. shoulder 1? shoulder 2? need. to. sleep.

mix tapes

2007-12-22T23:54:00.001+08:00

I was just wondering whether or not it is true that we can simply “switch off” a feeling for somebody that easily. Someone came up with the word “fling” for a reason. But I’m quite sure that it’s more than that. I like him, pretty much. Somehow, I know and he knows that we’re not cut out to be couple. We’re both commitment phobic, I guess it’s scary when I see there is so much similarity with the both of us. Maybe we just like each other’s company that much that it sometimes confuses our feeling. Perhaps I’m thinking way too much. I cared a lot for his feelings, or maybe that is just an excuse I gave myself for pulling away to protect myself from getting hurt. I don’t know anymore. So I chose to push those thoughts and perhaps, those feelings to the back of my mind. I don’t miss him that much anymore when I don’t see him, I even have self-control of not seeing him too much. Then he has to come and tell me that he really wants to spend more time with me and there goes all my effort, out the window. Talking to him more had definitely got him open up himself more to me now. He tells me things that mean so much to him, although some I really do not wish to know. Like how he still likes this girl etc… I have to admit that I did my selective listening when it comes to topics like that. I hate it when it hurts me that much to listen to him. On the other hand, I’m glad he did. So I really don’t know what I want from him, what I want from myself, and what do I really want from us.

by the way, I've just came back from Penang. Shall upload the pictures in the next post.

nothingness

2007-12-15T16:06:00.000+08:00

I was just browsing through all the pictures in my laptop. I’ve changed a whole lot within the past year. And then I tell myself, “Hey, my life isn’t that boring after all!” No, I have a life well-lived (by far). I’ve got onto almost every high-ride I could get my hands on, crashed one or two along the way, but got safe to where I am in the end of the day. Through all these, I’ve learn to appreciate more. I know now who my close friends are. I know pretty well that it’s no harm trying something new as long as it doesn’t hurt others. I know that much that I am my own responsibility.

Having too much of something is never good. Doing things in routine is not good. I’m not indicating that being organized or somewhat is bad, it’s just that we’re still, nevertheless, human. Robots were built to be organized, to do things in routine. Not human, simply because we have our own mind. I’m still figuring out when will my time come, to break free of all these and go travel around the world in 80 days perhaps? I’ve watched warlords and its uberly awesome. I like how it is that you’re sometimes in a situation where the right thing to do is not always going to be correct one. Defying morality because of rules, there’s a thin line between right and wrong. I love it when there’s no definite way-out for things, then we are forced to choose. The result is often, based more on personal preferences more than the fixed rules; which is relatively more interesting.

Now listening: The Automatic - Monster

the longest entry

2007-12-05T23:16:00.000+08:00

Here I am, lying on the bed trying so hard to fall asleep and yet, I can’t. The soothing and dreamy sound of Beirut hasn’t put me to sleep yet. Instead, I’m thinking. First thing’s first, I must be able to start working latest by January, next year. This is because *thunder strikes!* my dad has decided that he will not give me anymore allowance starting next month. That itself had made me uberly sad. Pressure’s on. Anyway, that was one thing.

Another thing is that loneliness had finally befriended me. All these while I thought as long as I have my friends, loneliness wouldn’t get a chance being anywhere nears me. But as a matter or fact, I’ve been living in denial. He’s always been there ever since I left my ex; I just chose not to acknowledge him. Now that I spent more time with myself, I’ve open up a bigger space for him to be near me. Maybe I should start going out on a date with myself, keep me busy so I won’t have time to think about it. It’s an idea. Just when I’m feeling at most depressed about myself, my ex came back and he got me thinking for a moment there that maybe I should give him another chance. Luckily consciousness prevented me from giving in. Or should I say unlucky? I don’t know. I still miss having someone to spend time with me doing absolutely nothing and feeling extremely comfortable about it. Reality sucks!

Getting back to the actual reason to why I can’t seem to fall asleep is that I was imagining things. What if I got cancer or some other deadly deceases? I need to prepare my speech before hand on how to break the news to people that I cared dearly about. Why do we speak about dying so easily when we’re alive? And when the time actually comes, will we still be able to leave that easily? Another question that will make me looses my sleep for another hour or so. That’s basically what I usually think about when you see me stoning in the middle of a conversation. Useless stuff but yet it got me thinking, I’m just curious.

Done with the somewhat nonsense thoughts, perhaps I should think about what my father had told me to think: “maybe it’s time for you to be serious about everything, including finding your soul-mate”. A little bit too early, I supposed? If I could ever fail anything in life, it would most probably be relationship. *touch wood* I have quite a few choices now (saying as if like I’m picking out clothes… bleh!).

1. My seemed-to-have-never-given-up ex. Come to think of it, he does always have been there for me when I needed someone; even so when I don’t need anyone. Well, he can’t be perfect I guess. I don’t have feelings for him anymore, but he realizing his mistakes and trying so hard to fix things again somehow will find its way into my heart again. I can never be so sure about not accepting ex for the second time around now.

2. My party cum drinking buddy Jeff. Everybody likes new things and he is, well, new. He’s two years younger than me (oh no! juvenile!), what’s wrong with me and all the younger guys? I told myself that this is definitely impossible right from the beginning. Even if things were bound to happen, it’s just going to be purely for fun, no more beyond that. Somehow, things got out of hand and I think I do like him once I got to know him. I start to feel so comfortable being around him. Extra point, he knows exactly what he wants to do with life. I admire that.

3. My DJ “best friend” (name must not be revealed incase he read this, as if he don’t know already). I can easily be attracted by older guys. They seemed more matured and caring in many ways. I’m fascinated by him, his taste in movies, music, and everything else about him mesmerized me. (damn, sounding like a stalker) This is the first time a guy had actually cooked a proper meal for me so I’m forever grateful for that (a bit of exaggerating but it’s my first time ;p). The problem is that we’re both having commitment issues, and that I’m not even sure anymore what he wants, what I want, what’s happening? So I’ve decided to just let things be. See where it will lead us.

4. My friend’s brother. This is so weird; I cannot even imagine us being together. This one I’m sure I only liked him as a friend, probably because he knows exactly what kind of person I am so quickly. When I’m saying this, I only meant the “party me”. So yes, he’s definitely my “vitamins” buddy.

5. My longest-time-a-guy-has-ever-came-after-me, considered. Ferdinand is his name. He’s been there to witness me breaking up with 2 of my boyfriends and each time when I broke up, he’ll pop the question. Unfortunately, the answer has been the same ever since = no. I really appreciate him being there for me, I really do.

6. I categorized the majority here as those who wanted only sex from me, go screw yourself elsewhere. pardon my language. I meant it though.

I really have to intention of choosing any right now. I’m pretty much enjoying my single life now (except for times when I’m dead bored). We’ll just see how things will go from here, I like surprises!

across the universe

2007-11-27T16:53:00.000+08:00

i've been coughing for about 2 weeks now, pretty bad. i supposed it's time to get my ass to a clinic and get meself a body check up, something's not feeling right. this coughing thing has made me loose my sleeps for many nights now. anyways, the cough aside now. one event that took place in the past few days had managed to sent shivers down my spine. i was back in my room one night, then while i was changing, i saw this black finger (yes, indeed! disgusting black finger) trying to open up my curtain. freaky sial!! i screamed and called my friends over. he must be mad to think that he could steal things from my room cause there's this fixed grill behind my window and it couldnt possibly fit one hand through it. so i guess that makes it obvious that he was trying to peep into my room. damn! after that, i was too afraid to sleep in my room back in pj.

anyways, i've tried beef tenderloin steak in empress cafe and it was uber awesome!!! thanks kelvin =) after that, we even get to watch the premiere of "across the universe". that's because i was "technically-speaking" with tag (according to him), kinda true also. whatever is it, i enjoyed the musical movie. love the songs in the first place, then the way they film the whole thing. kept telling myself that these are all we could see when we're high =) the colors and all, amazing. happy happy happy. dropped my sis and dwen off at palm spring then took her car back to php to continue watching the beatles trilogy at kelv's. well, been motivated to do so after the movie earlier on that's jam packed with beatle's songs.

oh well, i guess that's it for this time. kinda lazy to blog already. blame it on the cough! woohoo!

prawnss

2007-11-04T16:06:00.000+08:00

since it's been long since i've last blog, i've got a feeling that this is gonna be a long one. anyways, the headline for today would be the breaking up with the boyfriend. yeap, finally~ (that's what arash would have said) cruel bugger. but since i've told him most of my problems while i was with my boyfriend, he would have known best how come i've come to made up my mind about ending the relationship. it was not such a bad break-up, surprisingly. we still see each other now and then, except for the fact that he still doesnt give up, the rest is all going well. i'm not going to go into details about the whole break-up thingy, of what is the reason and all. i guess people who knew me knows. he's still sweet though, bought me this jelly cake that i've craved for so long for our "supposedly" anniversary on halloween. why now? that proves how one will know only to appreciate when he'd lost it. a bit the drama going on and so that's just it. i realised being single is not all bad (proves you wrong again, arash! ha!) at least i'm doing what i like to do now, living life as it is.

so that wraps up the break-up story. then, comes alcohol. alcohol makes you sleepy, too much of them makes you sick. there, it explains all. i'm not addicted to alcohol if you may wonder. i just like to drink, nothing's wrong with it right? i bet i'll pass this stage pretty soon =) clubing for a few nights in a row, bad idea. at least it is, for old people like me. i was in laundry for halloween, oh yea! my sis and ian won best dressed for that night and we've got 2 bottles of smirnoff vodka! woohoo! oh, before that, recharge! i must say, the muds were really a turn off, my slipper broke and i have to walk barefeet the whole night until the thing ends. ouch! i was in the indie rock arena most of the time, yes, especially when TAG is spinning! sounded so much like loft, just different venue. the music's good.

moving on again, after halloween, i went to maison on thursday. i went with mady, alex and chong. the crowd was overwhelming. not too much for me though, i was tired already when i made it there and with all the people squeezing in and out with their sweats (*eww*). not a good night but i've learnt that vodka with ginger ale is the wooHoo mix all the way! met up with jeff afterwards, went to his place for more drinks. the day after, i missed my grandma's prayer and felt so bad about it till today. i was having hang overs so i thought that if i went anyways, i'll be dying there instead. however, i've managed to re-energised myself with more sleeps followed by lunch in charms with jeff. then, me and my sis and oh yea, bill went to damansara perdana to accompany diane to shop. after that, we all went to loft. it's a friday! loft was crowded, and i hate it cause the place was small enough not to have enough space for everybody to move. it wasnt a very pleasing night either, with some little trouble we had inside with a drunkard. and outside after, amirul came with some scratches on his face and bleeding nose. god knows who hit him? kelvin told me he had bad vibe for that day, guess he's right.

was supposed to go to palette palette on saturday night, for wm's birthday but poor her, she fell sick. so plan canceled. instead, all of us were staying at palm spring, doing nothing basically. so tonight, we're supposed to be going dinner with the family in this seafood restaurant, i want prawns!!!! and after, we're supposed to be celebrating wm's birthday!! can't wait =)

oh well, now this looks more like a weekly report than it is a blog. so i'm gonna just wrap all this up with my feelings after all these that had happened.. ok.. actually i think i'll leave that to the next entry. haha. can't really think right now. i'm gonna upload some pictures from halloween next time as well. ciao ppl!

picture post

2007-10-07T15:24:00.001+08:00

Maybank workers going on a strike for not getting bonus or something just opposite my college. it's just a random picture that i'm posting.

followed up by some pictures of the cute lil creature that has been wrongly named by my lil brother.

The lebbits. as promised that i'll post these pictures. the discolored one has been named as "Fluffy" and the white one is "Yo-Yo". courtesy from my lil brother.

Farewell dinner for the dearest Arash.
yeap, this was the last supper. he's gone now, "forever" as he would say. i miss him so much!

Blue is really the new black?

nur's pre-TAG party, the drink that i'm holding (forgot what's it called), spells greatness!

When Charles is still here...
That would be the "excited" ian. my heels are still in your car =p

zouk loft. i miss loft.

That would be us. stranded at the stairways at rob's. i miss Charles.

lastly, here's Charles. love you darling!

conversations

2007-10-07T02:43:00.000+08:00

i am that bored to be blogging twice in few hours time. you tube has definitely grab hold of the boyfriend attention lately. every night - non failing- i would be hearing some foreign language song (not supposed to be foreign to me since it's hokkien and if you didnt know, i'm a hokkien. failness, as diane would say). anyways, here's a story of heartbreak:

me: if you can, take leave on the 31st oct.
the dumb bf: why?
me: *paused*
the dumb bf: why?
me: cause it's a special day.
the dumb bf: *as if not dumb enough* what day?
me: our anniversary *disappointed*
the dumb bf: *thinking* yea... if you havent brought it up, i've totally forgot about it.
me: *silence*

the rest of the story goes by the dumb bf feeling amazed how time flies and it's been a year already. how is this possible? what gives him the right to forget about such important date and act as if it is not a big issue that he had FORGOTTEN about it. karma, now i believe in it. somehow, i would like to believe that maybe if i havent mentioned about it, he would have eventually remember it, at least on that day itself. surprise me and then i would note down the day as one of my happiest day in my life. as long as i've known him, the day wouldnt be anywhere close to what i've expected.

so i tried to make me feel better by thinking that maybe he's too busy with his work and all that he hasnt got much time left to care about all these small little details of our relationship. but it's not small, is it? in the end, no matter how many lame excuses i've tried to think behalf of him, it still bothers me. so i told myself, why think about it then? pretty amazing aint it, us human? we knew it would hurt us, and yet, we wont stop ourselves from doing it.

------------earlier just now--------------
him: i might want to go clubing with my friends later.
me: okay, go ahead. then i might go somewhere myself too. (not wanting to feel lonely in the house)
him: where you want to go and who you're going out with?
me: not sure yet, some friends maybe.
*phone call*
him: i'm not going out anymore.
me: why?
him: cause if i go, you're going out with guys.
me: they're just friends.
him: no.

i really gave up. i have to practically force him to go out with his friends and in exchange, i told him that i'll stay home so he can stop worrying about me. he insisted on staying home with me in the end. even simple things like this has it's way of proving things, proving that our relationship is really not stable. that he doesnt trust me, that maybe i wasnt "trustable";

him: every friday when you go clubing with your friends, i didnt say anything, did i?
me: no, what are you trying to say? i'm stoping you from going out but you didnt?
him: yes. that's how i see things are right now.
me: i didnt stop you, i've even begged you to go out, what do you want me to do?
him: now i really dont feel like going out. just now i knew if i've went out, you wouldnt have liked it.
me: i swear i would not.
him: i know you too well.

excuse you. if i havent stop talking after that, we would have gotten into another fight. i've known it all too well now, it's either i really fight for what i think is right, and get us start arguing; or me giving in, and everything will be fine. so either ways, it would seemed like i'm the fire starter, i am ALWAYS the one starting the whole argument. definitely nothing is wrong with arguing sometimes, i mean it's normal that we have different opinion about something. but i hate it every single time in the end of the argument, i have to get away from him and he would apologize for what ever the reason is.

i've realised that throughout out relationship, i've complained more than i've enjoyed it. i mean it's kinda obvious when i've complained most of the time than blogging about the happy times i had with him. arash asked me a lot of times before this, if i was THAT unhappy being with him, why am i still with him? i never did able to answer him. it is then followed by the many maybe-s. the truth is, i will never know for sure who's right and who's wrong so i wouldnt want to make any blind decisions that i will regret later on. i'm a coward.

and the coward wants to sleep now. stout makes me sleepy.

sweet revenge

2007-10-06T23:31:00.000+08:00

revenge is FUN! someone sprayed water into my sister's toilet cubicle in OU earlier today. so before we left the toilet, we threw some water back. the amazing thing is she doesnt react to it, not even a sound. it was childish when i came to think of it later on, yet, it's fun. lol.

so today we went to watch resident evil:extinction. milla jovovich is hot, the movie is not. but i gotta admit that i did experienced some sudden "shock" throughout the whole movie, i think the one sitting next to me could feel the vibration of the seat. lol. i love how the movie had bloody scenes though. apart from that, zombie's cool too. oh yea, i hate crows. crows are bad birdies.

and then, that was it. my saturday is THAT uneventful. but i'm really not in the mood to go anywhere else though, felt like staying at home and doing nothing. here i am, doing exactly nothing. how productive of me! wm asked me whether am i interested in working with junk mag, why not? i think. i'm not good in writing though, wonder what would they hire me for? hmm. all these thoughts when i havent even applied for the job yet.

talking about jobs, it's time for me to send in my applications for jobs now. seeing that i'm finishing my studies by this november. aiks. but i'm really lazy to work~ the hardest part is still the waking up freaking early in the morning part, i wonder if i could ever get pass that. now i'm really hoping that i could study longer. dang.

maybe it's time for a change, working i mean. i've never tried working full-time, maybe it wasnt that bad. let's just hope. recharge rave is closing in on us! wooHoo! i'm going either with or without the boyfriend. he had his annual dinner thingy on the same day as well, seems like he has got a pretty tough choice to make there. anyways, i really cant wait. cant wait. i had better enjoy such raves more now that i'm getting older, before i realise that i've lost all interest in it.

oh well, i guess that sums up everything now.

loft

2007-10-02T02:41:00.000+08:00

it's been such a long long time since i've last made my appearance in zouk loft (talking like i'm some kind of a superstar or something *geli-nyer*) anyways, diane sort of persuaded me in the end to go which i'm glad =) met some new friends through diane a.k.a the social queenbee. then saw aryn and the pitiful looking pidos (practically only sat on the speaker looking miserable all night, puasa month = no alcohol.. kesian). we were dancing the night away. oh yea, almost left out the most amazing that happened on the way to loft. me and diane managed to fit in a single seat of the convertible chak was driving. luckily there was no police blocks or what-so-ever or we'll definitely, and i mean DEFINITELY be in trouble. catching so much attention along the way while me and diane exchanges seats between the car door and the actual seat itself. woohoo! the wind kinda messed up my hair though, not like i'm giving 2 shits about my hair that day. hehe.

anyways, went home and yes, i slept. the next day, went out with my sis, supposingly meeting up diane for some ranting and gossiping, remember diane?! anyhow, she was busy so me and wm met up with scott for some part girly conversation instead. it's been a while since i've last saw him, so am glad in all. we went to grab some wine in the apartment while waiting for diane still. hmm. so yea, in the end, she came and had dinner and we left curve. diane has to train for her D.O.A tournament. wm has decided to go see dwen since it was their anniversary. scott was planning to go sleep but instead me and the boyfriend dropped him off in la queen. then i headed over to zouk, again. wanted to go into velvet but apparently it was full house and we were forced to wait in line to go in. obviously we were too lazy to wait so we went to the main room instead. the rest of the night was okay. if it wasnt for the alcohol, i dont think i'll be there as well (alcoholic sial..)

so here i am, feeling extremely hungry at 3am while typing this. some justification is needed here, i was out drinking beer with the boyfriend and some friends just now. and alcohol makes people hungry, yes?? hehe.. i need to go sleep to get rid of the hunger. ciao!

funny

2007-09-25T06:04:00.000+08:00

kajang satay! yum yum.. no more. it was quite disappointing having to travel all the way there, anticipating the yum yum-ness of satay and yet, realising that it was just the taste i'll simply get from Ali satay stall somewhere near home. ish. double ish ish. and the worst thing is having someone to tell you that cacing a.k.a worm is one of the ingredient that made the sauce while i'm happily dipping in. thank you kajang! adding to my misery, upon coming back to sunway, i've managed to stay up late, drinking only teh o ice and offered my blood to the thirsty mosquitoes in mamak. having done all the endless feeding, i'm finally back home. relieved! but it's been quite sometime that i havent get to do all these staying out late in mamak listening to craps and laughing my ass off it. so yea, i did enjoyed the laughing my ass off part.

the second part of my blog would be about this guy named chris crocker. bloody funny fella. especially the clip he did entitled "leave britney alone". for anyone who hasnt seen it, go youtube it. he was overly upset over the media and people who dislike britney and he cried asking people to just leave her alone. you should really look at his expression. seth green did a funnier video mocking him and here it is.

that's all for today. i'll post up some pictures of cute little rabbits my lil bro got as his bday present soon. i know i'm boring, bear with it.

rating of my blog

2007-09-20T02:13:00.000+08:00

Completely Free Personals from JustSayHi

sad period

2007-09-19T02:52:00.000+08:00

my grandma just passed away last saturday. my mom messaged me in the wee saturday morning asking me to go home. i went to uncle roger's house and there she was, covered with a piece of cloth, lying on her favorite lazy chair. my dad slowly unveil the cloth over her head, and we (the grandchildrens) had to tell her that we came to see her. she looked so calm because she went off in her sleep. then, the two days final goodbyes ceremony was done in the house. she was dressed in old chinese robe, slightly make up, and placed in the coffin. the coffin was placed in the center of the living room, allowing any one who wished to see her and bid her last farewell. i've looked into the coffin for quite some time and somehow wished that she was still here with us.

the praying ceremony went on for 2 days. the second day was the teochew praying ceremony. i had no idea what's the dialect but ah ma definitely knows. it was for her that we're praying. there was this unforgettable part where the prayer's all about asking ah ma to cross over the bridge. it touches everybody, including my grandma (mom's side) who attented the ceremony. from the way i see it, it was about the mother, and grandmother who tells her children and grandchildren to be good and that she has to leave now to another side of the world but yet, she will still look out for each and everyone of us here. she still was reluctant to leave because of her love for us, but she has to, that's the right thing to do. when the prayers was going on, i cant help but thinking back of all the things that she'd done, how she was like when she's still here, how much she'd changed when she'd gotten old, how much i missed her.

she was cremated and her bones were placed in an urn in nilai memorial park. some prayers were done there as well, in order to "invite" her to her "new home", it was trully a saddening moment but everybody seems to have finally be able to accept the fact that she's gone. there is yet another prayer to be done in the 7th day pass her death, which will be this friday. we chinese believed that the soul of the dead will come back to visit her loved ones on the 7th day itself before she finally could cross over to the next world.

i've cried again while sitting in the living room just now. thinking back of her is such a hard thing to do because i thought that i could at least had treated her more nicely and all. i'm gonna miss her.

tagged

2007-09-19T02:28:00.000+08:00

tagged by derek, so here goes:

5 Things in my bag:

1. cellphone
2. dunhill menthol
3. purse
4. keys
5. sunnies

5 Things in my head:
1. late grandma
2. this friday (the seventh day prayer for her)
3. plcp test
4. daa assignment
5. arash, he left.

5 words I frequently use:
1. damn
2. fuck
3. shit
4. oh my god
5. hmm

5 Recent smses received:
1. my brother
2. my sister
3. my boyfriend
4. my mom
5. arash

5 recent things I just did:
1. cried
2. washed my face
3. drank water
4. smoked
5. copy and paste this into my blog

5 things in my wardrobe:
1. shirt
2. skirts
3. dresses
4. bags
5. shorts

5 things I just ate:
1. porridge
2. preserved white papaya strips
3. eggs
4. tofu
5. air

5 people I'm tagging:
whoever who wants to do this

run away

2007-09-11T16:01:00.000+08:00

we had another dramatic break-up yesterday. very dramatic indeed with:

a small cause of problem, him raising his voice me, me yelling back uncontrollably, him making things worst by joining in the yelling sensation, me packing my stuff and wanting to leave, him realising things got out of hand and tried to stop me, me insist on leaving, he doubles up the effort holding up the door, me left alas, him beeping me thousands of times, me came to my own sanctuary and cried, him drove all the way and waited in my front door, me not wanting to see his face, him begging me to go back with him, me got soft-hearted and let in, he won.

the night continues with:

him apologizing over and over again, me refuses to even look him in the eye, him giving me all the special treatment, me gave in yet another time, him treating me extra nice, me savouring every moment of this.

because the so-called special treatment will last the longest by 3 days i say. it always does. like he said, it runs in a circle and frankly, i've grown tired of all these. running away takes alot of effort, seeing that i have three quarters of my belongings comfortably sitting at his place now. crying takes a lot of effort too, the more this happens, the more i realised that i've had enough of crying. in fact, i'm done crying over him, tears are getting lesser but heartache stacks up higher. how long more could i take this? only time will tell.

gimme more..eww!

2007-09-04T20:57:00.000+08:00

i'm here to talk about sad shit again. first off, i finally realised how it really felt like when that someone who's supposed to care for you not caring anymore. it sucks! yes indeed. erm, actually that's about all the sad shit for the past week. silly as it sounds, i still cant get over the anger i have on that little matter. poor me.

anyways, i think i want to go do my hair tomorrow. that's definitely part of the plan. that is also if i still feel like doing it waking up tomorrow. so the random of me. well, had a pretty bad day today as well. bad luck is what they call it. the boyfriend had suddenly decided that he would like a ride on the lrt after such long time with me to college today, so we parked the car in the lrt station. only to realise that the car park was only meant for staff and guess what?! some fella had let out the wind of the tyres when we got back. holla! flat tyres had left us stranded in the lrt station for a fair bit of time. until i called up a friend of mine that finally had the tool to help us out. lessons learnt today, do not simply park your cars and you cant pump a car tyre using bicycle pump. damn! whole day wasted because of some childish person who had decided to let out the wind of the tyres in show of his frustration or something. very stoopid indeed.

oh yea! i've watched the invasion yesterday night and it was good, surprisingly. the message from the movie itself was kinda good. go watch if you havent watched it already. i'm gonna go smoke up and be merry now. ciao.

darkness falls

2007-08-24T09:57:00.000+08:00

under the influence of a lot, and when i say a lot, i meant A LOT of substanstances, i can barely differentiate what's real and what's not anymore. it has totally fucked up my memories, and injected a huge dose of paranoia. i fear looking into the mirror without thinking that my reflection will turn into a horrible creature or something. most of all, i fear being alone cause i feel weak and vulnerable when i do. a part of me wanted to go and find out what really had happened the other day when all these started to happened to me, but a minor part of me doesnt want to. i dont want to know if all the hallucinations turned out to be the truth. well, here's my mind wandering off somewhere again.

anyways, i'm watching disney channel. the little mermaid, the lobster thingy named sebastian is really annoying the hell out of me now. i remembered that i used to adore that character alot last time, well, things had changed. i'm not in the mood to write anymore, just need some time on my own, to search for tranquility deep within myself in order to fight off all the darkness surrounding me now. ciao.

feeling sleepy

2007-08-16T03:11:00.000+08:00

two blog entries in a day, yay for myself. actually i was already lying on the bed when suddenly i feel like blogging. the previous blog entry was of an importance cause i usually only blog about my weekends. so here's something new. this has nothing at all to do with the weekends fun i had or am having, or will be having, whatever.

i was closing my eyes, and then i thought to myself. i am happy. maybe it was the substances that causes all these on and off feeling about me being happy with the boyfriend or not. and now when i suddenly realised that i've never came to love him as much as he loves me, i felt lucky. i am happy to be with him throughout odd days, i realised that it was with him that i could be myself, i could do all the silly faces and yet he still tells me that i'm beautiful, i could shout at him all i want on my bad days and all he would do is to looked me in the eye, with a smile reassuring me that everything's going to be ok. i do him wrong, i fucking took him for granted at times, and yet, he made sure that he'll always be there when i needed a hug, a cuddle or even simply a company. he's there beside me all the time and i know that it was my problem that i dont appreciate that as much as others would do. i argued with him for not giving me my personal space and he understood that. it seems like he's always the one giving and i'm always the fucked up person on the other side taking everything from him.

it doesnt bother me now that he snores when he sleeps at night now, i came to know that he was tired. tired of managing his own life and now, mine. i felt that much closer to him now that his knees are directly behind my back. haha. but i'm in my clear mind when i say this, i still need my personal space and am definitely not ready to settle down yet. i guess that's probably why i'm drawing myself further and further away from him. he's trying his best to catch up with my pace and i really dont know how much further will he be running after me before he got so exhausted and decided to give up. if things really doesnt work out in the future, what's important is that i've loved him and he had loved me too. the rest doesnt really matter.

i'm so sick now i could barely feel my fingers on the keyboard as i was typing. i had better go to bed now before i passed out on myself instead. night everybody. love you bbs.

last weekend

2007-08-16T03:01:00.001+08:00

yes, last weekend's party was great. i wasnt having full memories of what exactly happened but as what i could recall, let's just called it wild fun. anyways, me just going to blog about what i remembered. okay. friday night we went to tag, with the usual gang, well, except that this time charles and ian was there too. thanks charles and ian so much for giving me a ride there and i think my heels were still in ian's car. when we reached, well, let me just skip all the drama part and go to the fun part. anyways, it wasnt twilight actiongirl playing at first so the music was kinda off the 60s or something. didnt really like it so me, charles and ian went down to the mainroom to kick start the groove (sounded so wrong but heck!) yes, the music was way better and we were shaking our booties like nobody's business.

after a while, we went up to loft to look for the others and yea, i kinda forgot what happened afterwards. anyways, we went to rob's place for after party and the sucky part was sven had rob's key to the apartment and he was sleeping inside so we were locked outside. alot of things went on and about, charles was with his camera, and we were camera whoring throughout all the waiting time while diane's laying there like a dead fish (sorry, but yea, you kinda looked like one at the moment. lol) so we went in atlast, and party like hell. and the rest was all too implicit to be told in public blogs. so i'm just gonna skip all the details again, and there it was, the weekend.

p/s: charles, i want the pictures!!

it makes me happy

2007-08-04T20:58:00.000+08:00

let's see, friday nights. we went to our usual hangout which is *drum roll* zouk loft. the crowd wasn't that good yesterday. i saw the regulars and a few new faces. anyways, half way through the dullness of sitting and just drinking, happiness strikes! woohoo! it was fun, as usual. i had vague memory of what really happened yesterday due to the little dose of happiness.

what really annoys me was that i had this person calling me like a million times to my cell when i was happily dreaming away. well, actually it was not a happy dream, i cant really recall what it was but it is a very tragic and sad dream. anyways, back to the annoyance, apparently we met in zouk yesterday night and he sent me messages claiming that he misses me and all those shit. i don't know why it annoys me that much, but i am like annoyed, like really really annoyed. guess i made my point there now. and yes, another guy named kian apparently messages me too saying that we met in zouk last night as well. asking how am i doing and all the cow-dung.

okay, maybe i'm overacting about these. i'm just gonna take a deep breath and just ignore them =) good good. that'll be all about my friday. till next week, ciao!

2007-07-31T02:04:00.000+08:00

i've been good for one friday. that's what the boyfriend told me. last friday was the first friday that i was actually with him after for let's say a month. friday is the only day for months that i have for myself, and i like it that way. it's not too much to ask for eh? well, since last week is my "detox week", i guess this coming friday will be fun. yes, diane?? yes, everybody else that i'm gonna be partying with??

well, the air con in the room is in so the fucking good condition that i can feel my fingers freezing as i'm typing. anyways, something really weird happened to my body today. that something ultra weird happened to my hands, namely the palms of my hands. what happened to them is that i'm having spasmodic contraction of a muscle or group of muscles (yes, i did copy and paste it from an online dictionary) which simply meant cramps. weird, ain't it?

it's definitely not a good sign. doesnt mean that i'm dying from it either. it's just not a good sign. anything but good sign. i browsed through the mighty search engine known as google, and despite my incapability of using search engines, i couldnt find the causes to hand cramps which i intended to in the first place. so, i've decided not to further cause damage to my already severely damaged brain. i will settle with the old saying "the answers will come to you when you least expected it" (i'm not really sure if there's this saying or not, whatever..)

alrite, off to bed i go. ciao.

bitchy

2007-07-29T19:39:00.000+08:00

my headache is spiralling out of control!!

bad days

2007-07-24T02:04:00.000+08:00

YESTERDAY: as i was sitting in the car, listening to the sound of clattering keys with some unfamiliar voices over the radio; i looked to my right, he wasn't there. of course he wasn't, he was outside filling in air for the tyres. haha. the many uneventful events that happened today got me into alot of thinking. he said i'm very different today, not very myself at all. yes, i happened to notice that too. i looked at him and thought, we've really came a long way. we've been through more than a couple who'd stayed together for 5 years. the honeymoon period slowly turns into a boring tale, and now, with the added flavors of meaningless arguments, things has gone from bad to worst. though i still very much miss the kind of feeling when i think he meant the whole world to me, how happy we were together (and still am some-times) that makes the rest of the happenings in the world seems like nothing, how he used to looked me in the eye and utter the words that makes me think that i want to spend the rest of my life with him. but the fact is, no one is the one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TODAY: exhaustion and tiredness can really cause one to behave like a jerk. in this case, i'm talking about my full time. seriously, i felt like i've been blamed most of the time for things that i didn't do and that feeling, obviously sucks. he has this temper issue and lately, i am the victim. this is what happened just now; supposedly we went to the airport to get his brother around 11ish. he was obviously tired from work and i am not in my best mood as well. so we didn't talk much on the way there. on our way back, there's this "awas, pemeriksaan polis" out of nowhere. so yeap, it was the speed trap thingy and yes, his car's on the list. there's pretty much nothing we could do to prevent mr nicey-no-rasuah police to issue the speeding ticket. after that, the mixture of weariness and anger has totally gotten the hold of him. he started giving me such hard time confronting his sarcasm and made everything seems like it's my fault. yeah, i forced him to speed and yes, i could foresee the speed trap thingy and made a wise choice of not telling him. such bullshit, it is. maybe i'm just being over sensitive over stuff because i do admit that i'm not in my best behavior as well. still. nevermind.

i used to take everything that has anything to do with our relationship very personally. now, it seems like i don't want to care anymore. i'm so tired of all these crap. i've made a choice of not caring sub-consciously. i'm not saying that i don't appreciate what he has done for me and still am doing for me now, i am just falling out of love. yes, i believe that's the same feeling i had near the end of a relationship. the thing is i am not even sure anymore if i still loved him the way i used to last time. there's a thin line between being in love and simply just feeling "used-to" a relationship. whatever is it, i don't wanna think about it anymore now especially when i have unclear mind. just, whatever.

nothing too personal

2007-07-22T04:19:00.000+08:00

i realised that i've been blogging almost about my weekends only. well, it is the period where i did most things and hence, my happiest time of the week =) so, last friday. yes, we went to zouk loft again (chelsea dagger's been played - our song!!). this time around, i went with diane and amirul. supposingly celebrating robert's birthday. once i entered the much familiar cozy lil place, went into the washroom right on time before my bladder burst. eeks. anyways, since amirul wishes to be pissed drunk by the end of the night, i had 2 shots of tequilla with him (yess, tequilla's your best friend ^^) i was pretty much a happy person there due to several reasons.

tequilla helped alot =)
how could i not be happy when there's indie rock?!
had a little dose of happiness there.
seeing that someone (this is so wrong.. -__-)

anyways, as usual, there's after party. lis si gajah bundar joined us at rob's place as well. thanks to the miracle work of some you-know-what, i was friggin spacing out (in a good way ^^). i know that it's never really a good idea to be all too personal in blogs like this, especially when the whole world could read what you're writing. so yea, i had a very happy friday. enough said.

saturday has been, well, normal. diane woke me up from my beautiful sleep and we went home after that. i played dead for a lil while longer then wakes up in time to keep my promise to my sis. yes! i managed to make it to the fashion/hair show in the curve this time!! hooray for me! hehe. well, the whole things was a hair show by hairkunst and komplot was playing with them on stage. "berdansa bersama~" yippee, love the song. since most of the why i went there in the first place is because of my sis, she's doing this cat walk thingy for them. love the skinny jeans =) well, after the show, i went to dinner which some might say it's supper cause it's already almost 11pm. heck! was so hungry cause havent eaten for the whole day.

very lazy to type now, so, that's it. my weekly report =) will be posting some pic from the fashion show later, toooooo freakin' lazy now.

hyper weekend

2007-07-15T18:57:00.000+08:00

weekend's great! i've been to zouk loft (again!) last friday night. two couples was there, one being my constantly-feels-like-vomitting sister and her love dwen, and aryn with pidos =) diane was there too, so did ito, scott (hooray!) and robert (opps..) and ilyas (double opps..). i haven't seen ilyas for ages, saw him at the entrance and did the most awkward greeting ever. robert has been ultra nice to us, thanks for the beers again =) the dancing was fun, but diane and weimun and scott was having this 'bad' feeling so i didn't see them much in loft. instead, i think they were chilling downstairs most of the time.

the after party was over-the-head fun! all of us went to robert's place (my second time there, i think..). and yes, we kinda woke wilson up, poor wilson =p he only got a few hours of sleep in two days. i'm not gonna blog much about what we did there, i could only sum it all up with one word, fun (again..) hehe. maybe i wasn't being much of myself there, or it might just be the excessive thinking that i had going on and on in my head, i don't feel like going back - at all. it's great to just run away from all the fuss once in a while with all these great people. talking about it, i can't wait for next friday. we're gonna be celebrating robert's birthday there with i guess the same group of people.

i've learnt a few things over the weekend. life is all about trying out new things and going on new adventures, taking chances and risk losing what we already had. well, my brain's not quite "alive" yet, so i guess i'm gonna stop blogging now. before i accidently utter something that i shouldn't have.

current mood: confused yet relieved =)

kiss and spread the love people!

2007-07-08T17:17:00.000+08:00

time flies. my classes will be starting tomorrow. oh no! meaning no more sleeping late in the morning and waking up in late evening. i will have to adjust my personal time again, damn! talking about classes, it started at 9am every fucking day. i have to travel to kl somemore, this sucks! well, would like to just forget about it for a while. so i'm gonna be posting about the night out with the "lei lou mou" family in poppy =) hehe. was busy distracted by this bunch of *ahem* ladies shaking their asses whole night long next to our place. not a very nice sight though. lol.

so here's some kissy-kissy pictures we took the other night =)

me, mady, and jennifer

me and charlotte

me and jennifer

so i'm done with the kissing pictures... time for some group love <3

not everybody's in the picture though =p alex was busy puking behind us (loong was looking after him), chong was the camera man.

there it was, a night in the infamous hot and sweaty poppy. it was a lot of fun, and drinking, and.. fun! haha. me wanna go listen to cansei de ser sexy's alala now. ciao!

doodles

2007-06-27T23:49:00.000+08:00

young love : simplicity yet bold

one vision, one voice, one nation

beautifully twisted love

overdosed

confused mind

toxicated junks

essentric man

22

2007-06-27T10:37:00.000+08:00

Trip to sarawak
starting with the trip to sarawak, it turned out to be a OK. but then, the departure day was like hell. i want to avoid blogging too much of crappy heart-aching stuff. therefore, i shall not talked about that little incident before we left the house but that's basically how my mood for the whole damn day was spoilt. anyways, moving on. the plane delayed for almost 3 freaking hours. so much waiting and so much unhappiness until we board the plane. everything seems fine from then onwards. so i could conclude that it's not a bad trip after all. 4 days free of smoke is totally proven to be bearable by me =) although i did had a couple in between.

now more to the happy stuff. i've got 2 cakes for my birthday this year. i wonder what makes it so special this time.

this one is freshly baked on the day itself by my bf's family frens (or something like that). it was really sweet and special because it's just special *smile* i've gotten this when i was still in sarawak.

and i got this from my parents *smiley* love it for the one and only reason - strawberries =) we went out for dinner in TGIF and the people there made me stand on the chair and make a speech using this ketchup bottle. kinda intimidating but i still got over it. hehe.

I've took pictures of the gifts i got too =)

This is from my mom. apparently a necklace. it's stuck on my neck since i've put it on yesterday. will still be stuck there unless i find a way to detach it =)

This is a beautiful bracelet and anklet both from celine =) real sweet of her. and what a coincident, i just lost my previous anklet =p anyways, love it mucho!

This is another beautiful necklace given by the one and only arash =) even though he appears to be a bit bodoh, nice taste in girly stuff though. hehe. i love this kind of stuff, and he knew it. so i'm not pulling back the title i gave him as my best friend for quite some time =p

The near broke up that would tear me apart *gasp*
yes, we had a fight just yesterday that threaten to put a stop to this relationship. however, we worked things out and everything's gonna be fine. hopefully things will turn better in coming days. i'm supposed to be visualising how our dream house will be =)

Numerologist (Kevin Chan) says:
i am

a born leader
being number 1 will always be my main priority, money comes next
likes to be in control
apparently unable to finish many task and often need help of people to get things done
creativity that could communicate with people
sensitive to all the people around me
want to love and to be loved in return
and apparently i will be above the guys in my relationships
i know what i want and will most probably succeed in getting there
do not like to listen to other's advice
likes to do things my way
secretive

that's all i could remembered from last night. some of it i find it quite true, others i really don't know. maybe i am like that without realizing it myself. negativities over-shadowed the positive qualities, very disturbing indeed.

Special thanks goes to -->

my boyfriend for being there for me and try to make every moment as special as possible.
my sis for being thoughtful enough to organize a surprise birthday party for me.
everybody that was there in palm spring's drinking fest with me yesterday for making this birthday a memorable one for me =)
arash for coming back for my birthday, that was really sweet. and for the gift as well. and the little tiny ciggies he bought back with him.
celine and jee and kian loong for being there with me yesterday and for the wonderful gift =p
my mom for getting me the cake and the pressie
my step dad for settling the bills in TGIF.. hehe..
my dad for sponsoring me money to do my hair.
everyone else that i know and wishes me all those wonderful birthday wishes, a girl can never be any happier =)

direct translation =)

2007-06-22T01:47:00.000+08:00

this is the original lyrics for the song by Nidji - Bila Aku Jatuh Cinta

Bila aku jatuh cinta (when i fall in love)
aku mendengar nyanyian (i hear singings)
1000 dewa dewi cinta (1000 angels love)
menggema dunia (shock the world)

bila aku jatuh cinta (when i fall in love)
aku melihat matahari (i see the sun)
kan datang padaku (it comes to me)
dan memelukku dengan sayang (and hugs me with love)

bila aku jatuh cinta (when i fall in love)
aku melihat sang bulan (i see the moon)
kan datang padaku (it comes to me)
dan menemani aku (and accompany me)

melewati dinginnya mimpi (later than cold dreams)
melewati dinginnya mimpi…aa…a…a. (later than cold dreams...aa...a...a.)

bila aku jatuh cinta… jatuh cinta (when i fall in love... fall in love)
bersama dirimu (with you)
peluk aku…dan ciumlah aku (hug me...and kiss me)
sayang… (my love)

The brackets will be the part where i attempt to perform direct translation of the song =) based on assumptions cause i definitely do not know all the words =p cheers!

unhappy blog

2007-06-21T02:54:00.000+08:00

boredom is extremely infectious. it spreads like no *doot*fucking business. my sis was bored just now, i'm bored too now. dammit! the heat in this room is slowly killing me but my loved one is sick, therefore, i can't enjoy the smartest creation in this century - aircon, as well.

anyhow, i will be going to sarawak this weekend. CONFIRMED! as cynical as it sounds, i'm not excited about it, at all. well, anything for the loved one, they say. maybe this is what people called as compromising, and yes, i shall do it for him. this basically mean that i'm giving up smoking for 4 fucking days (no problemo!), spending most time on my birthday on the plane (nevermind), and i had better stop here before i start banging my head towards the wall in some attempt to kill myself. maybe i should try getting strike by a lightning.

so, this is not a happy blog. no, it's not. in fact, it's an unhappy blog. i know i'm repeating myself. somehow i can't help but to type twice, first is what i wanted to say, second is for what i was thinking. so this explains it all, i'm thinking repetitively. i'm sick. i'm very sick. finally, i would like to end this post with something funny.

haha..

do it or do it!

2007-06-21T02:36:00.000+08:00

Create your own Friend Test here

nightmare in sunway

2007-06-19T16:38:00.000+08:00

the suspect's down, and out the window. Hooray! yesterday i got mocked by a cockroach. it was in the washroom when i slammed the door shut, jumped out of the bedroom, lock it and went out. when we got back, it was gone. hiding in one of the many dark corners in the room i perhaps. i forced myself to sleep only to result in having nightmare afterwards. the cockroach was perhaps way bigger than titanic, crawling towards me with its disgusting "antenna" swinging back and forth, i was of course running for my life. enough of the dreams, this morning, my boyfriend woke me up with a good news "i killed the cockroach and threw it out the window already" xoxo

i found out that i am having this alienated redish bump growing on my leg *eww*. on the left is the picture of it. let us now examine closer, the subject is approximately 1cm in diameter, it sends a pain signal to my brain whenever it makes contact with anything else, it's red-ish. there is however no sign of any itchiness or burning sensation. i hereby declare it as mr. annoying red dot.

- fin -

friday night

2007-06-16T04:10:00.000+08:00

this is a dull + rainy friday. i went out as planned to the curve (yesss, my second home =p) to meet up with the girls to further discuss about the house that we're planning to move in latest by july. yes, lis si gajah bundar did not make it today cause of work shit. well, anyways, we had dinner at 1920 or was it 1902? nevermind. i had this stuffed chicken and tomato sauce thingy, not good. the potatoes nice though. so yea, we talked about it. it all went pretty well, we talked about the furnitures too =)

then, we went up to HairKunst supposedly to watch the clips for the previous catwalk hairshow they did. it ended up more like a smoking party. inhailing much of the dunhill menthol leads to much more boring events for the night. we were bored as hell and spent most of the time figuring what we should do next. as usual, it leads to basically nothing, alcohol would be the best answer. so aryn suggested hartamas since it's been like ages we didn't hang out at that area. diane went home cause apparently it was the "accompanying-boyfriend" night =)

we were then in Hartamas for like the longest time ever. drank beer in hartamas square, played cards out of extreme boredom. then went over to Bestari for a couple more teh o ice. then sat there and start breathing in air and breathing out smoke. then sat there till it rains, and the rain stopped, we're still there. then crack jokes till it rains again, and we made a move when it's like reaching 3 in the freaking morning.

there it was. the supposedly fun friday night.

rock scene

2007-06-14T20:17:00.000+08:00

i went to a gig in central market yesterday night, featuring bands like reza salleh, stone revival, hujan and another i think called "moose" or something similar. the best band is hujan, even though the name's a little weird but they sound a lot like the strokes! i didn't got the pic for hujan cause i was so into the music, i didn't care much about other stuff =p so here's a pic i took, moose (they're from singapore) and the girl lead sounded very indie emo-ish. abit boring though, maybe the atmosphere there isn't suitable for this kind of music.

this one was taken upstairs. anywaysss, i guess that's it. i'm gonna blog again soon. can't wait to move out end of this month =p so excited about my coming birthday =p

1 meal and triple the amount

2007-06-06T01:24:00.000+08:00

fudgesticks! (it's still not working for me man =p) anyways, i ate like there's no tomorrow yesterday night over at bratt's house, and eat again like nobody's looking just now in subang. mygosh! the fact that this is my only meal for the day, i still find myself guilty for eating like a madcow. ish! i vow not to repeat my mistake again, tomorrow =)

so, i was thinking to myself, let's blog about something nasty today. but i didn't do or say anything nasty to anybody today, at least that's what i thought. so basically there's nothing for me to bitch about. well, i rather go watch my last episode of heroes =) it's all getting so exciting. man, i love heroes! peter petrelli is soooo hot, ted is sooooo cute when the whole time he just looks like a bear, and sylar, he's good in playing bad. show time, ciao!

i breathe music =)

2007-06-04T20:41:00.000+08:00

it's fucking sad to know that you're dependent on something to live. well, i owe it to music. indie rock, emo rock, whatever rock.. all hail music! *clap* i guess i'm a lil out of my mind right now. and blame dunhill menthol for causing tiny cramps on my hands, fuck. i should really slow down on using this f word, good lord, it's addictive =p

well, me lazy to type already. gonna get my ass over to bratt's house. food + music, here me comes!

alcohol runs in my blood

2007-06-03T20:25:00.000+08:00

yesterday we were hanging out in MiCasa, it's supposed to be a night to get drunk. well, we practically declare everyday as a day to get drunk, so..i would just like to remember yesterday as carlsberg + vodka + chivas night =) anyways, it was so much fun. the great thing is that i get to hang around with people that i cared alot for. all of us confirming a place in hell =) too bad a few people were missing out yester-night. zedeck was busy writing beautiful words, ilyas was out somewhere i supposed, and dwen was fucking tired to hang out. well, yea, these were the few other person that missed out the party last night. i wanna write more but the fact that i'm fucking hungry stops me from doing so. food, here i come!!!

U V . n a t i o n . s k a n k

2007-06-02T13:56:00.000+08:00

tag!! i love that damn place man. fucking good indie rock musics, my cup of tea =) a little alcohol plus music that could make me high eventually resulted in having really good times. oh, i just remembered that natasha, diane, aryn and i are suppose to have this talk today upon the night before. oh fuck, the hotel room aryn was talking about too. anyways, i just realised that drinking alco without getting pissed drunk but just at the right level to make you happy would make me lose my sleep. i can't really sleep much and it's just not me. sleeping at 7am and waking up at 1ish is totally wrong man. freaking 6 hours, i wouldnt call that a sleep myself. anyways, i'm fucking tired but i don't know why i just can't get to sleep. suffering~

before i forget, UV nation!!!! time to rave!!!! the line-ups are of course, benny benassi =) also featuring scot project, altered image, joey g, dj desire, base agents, dj goldfish, junio hustle, ben cracko, blink, and the stylustiks. place to party is set to be at 1 utama rooftop carpark. as usual, there'll be 4 rooms, the main arena, the chillout zone, dance space, and vip lounge. here comes the interesting part, the pre-sale tic is at rm53 while door-sale tic will be rm63. however, there's a promotional tic pricing of rm135 for 3 tickets (2000 tic only), and also rm350 inclusive of 3 tics + 1 bottle + 2 mixers. this is malaysia biggest UV themed dance party in a mall, and hold your breath for this.....1800 LCD display and LED music synchronised panels! cool cool.

charms

2007-05-31T17:16:00.000+08:00

i am surrounded by greens while sipping on my soya bean. it rhymes =) well, yes, i am back in charms cafe again. yes, it's the curve, again. i really like this serene place though, and of course, the pillows on the chair. i could hear running waters as i am typing this, so peaceful. anyways, i'll be going home for dinner later, it's been quite some time since i did that. i called my mom just now to tell her that, this is what she replied: "how come suddenly wanna come home for dinner??" see, so much love in that sentence itself. talking about dinner, i am so hungry now my stomach makes louder sounds than the running water and the crowd.

my sister asked me just now how my relationship started. it has really got me thinking. it's amazing how sometimes words as simple as that could trigger so many thinkings. really, it was a normal process, first comes the courting, then comes the asking, then goes the agreeing, tada! it's always maintaining a relationship that is the hardest. commitment has always been my biggest problem, it still is. then compromising is another tough thing. after that, comes understanding one another takes alot of effort. that's why it's always easy to start a relationship, tough to maintain, hard to leave. i never believed in love at first sight, it's all crap to me. you can only like someone by the first glance, not fall in love. anyhow, i am like the worst person in the world damn world to be thrown any questions about love and relationship. i can only tell you what i've read or came across from someone else but can never, NEVER apply those to my own.

chelsea dagger

2007-05-29T02:00:00.000+08:00

Well you must be a girl with shoes like that
she said you know me well
I seen you and little steven and Joanna
Round the back of my hotel oh yeah

Someone said you was asking after me
But I know you best as a blagger
I said tell me your name is it sweet?
She said my boy it's dagger oh yeah

I was good she was hot
Stealin' everything she got
I was bold she was over the worst of it
Gave me gear thank you dear bring yer sister over here
Let her dance with me just for the hell of it

Well you must be a boy with bones like that
She said you got me wrong
I would've sold them to you
If I could've just have kept the last of my clothes on
Call me up take me down with you
When you go I could be your regular belle
And I'll dance for little steven and Joanna
Round the back of my hotel oh yeah

I was good she was hot
Stealin everything she got
I was bold she was over the worst of it
Gave me gear thank you dear bring yer sister over here
Let her dance with me just for the hell of it

Chelsea Chelsea I believe that when your dancing
Slowly sucking your sleeve
That all the boys get lonely after you leave
And it's one for the Dagger and another for the one you believe

Chelsea Chelsea I believe that when your dancing
Slowly sucking your sleeve
That all the boys get lonely after you leave
And it's one for the Dagger and another for the one you believe

the fratellis =)

sketches

2007-05-28T02:45:00.000+08:00

i'm lying on me comfy bed, enjoying the just-right temperature of the aircon, listening to GS's beautiful place (doesn't seemed to impress me much). everyone should really listen to mika to cheer up a 'lil. the tunes were all really catchy and happy. i can't help but felt a gust of happiness streaming through my whole body. it even makes me feel like dancing, sorry scissors sisters. the cartoons were really cool too. anyways, i just realised that a number of my friends are real great in drawing. i just looked at deric's drawings and designs, it really speaks for itself. it's ggrrreat. go see it for for yourself.

http://drkblade.blogspot.com

anyway, my bf hurt himself during a futsal tournament today. ask me, definitely not worth it but he did well. so, he will not be walking quite so "normal" in these couple of days. pity, pity. hope he gets well soon =) well, here's everything i've got in my head now. i'm gonna go pick up some draft papers and pencil and probably start venturing into the world of meaningful and nice drawings myself. hope that i could finish at least one this time around. Deric, i sure hope that you're right =)

perfectionist

2007-05-23T03:48:00.000+08:00

spin!

2007-05-23T00:38:00.000+08:00

today is my lucky day :) i just realized that someone living either upstairs or downstairs had applied for wireless internet and i could detect the line from my boyfriend's room. so random. pity the whoever is it cause i'm downloading stuff as well. he must be wondering how come his reception fucking slowed down. hmm. anyway, i went to the curve again. yes, again. could declare that as my second home now. did nothing much there, actually, did nothing at all there. well, basically my life now is a fucking dead straight line. woke up in late afternoon, smoke up a lil, wait for calls to go out (prolly my sis cause apparently she's fucking bored too), went out and did nothing, came back to re-union with my boyfriend who now works evening shifts, watch some DVDs, do some fucking sudoku, go to sleep again. it's been like that since my holiday begins. well, i'm not complaining or anything, but i seriously need to get a life. like maybe wake up fucking early in the morning for a change. or go do anything for a different. anyway, i think i just fucking downloaded the whole spinto band album.

i'm wrong

2007-05-01T16:42:00.000+08:00

What is right and what is wrong? I’ve been told that there is no saying in whether what you did is right or wrong; it all depends on how you perceive it. However, we do have many preferences in life to dictate whether our action is a rightful one. So many fucking morality values in each of us that made us judge one another. There is definitely no room for proofs or explanations. For the entire “if” around us, what if what you did was right but was wrong in the eye of the people around you? Should we bother to even fight for it? Because there is really no point in doing so, you yourself know it the best. Hence, we are all living down a road that is already lain out for us. We will soon realize that a happy life is a life where you do what everybody else told you to. Still, we’ve been also told that we have the right to speak, the right to act, and the right to freedom. All these majestic sounded phrases are there to make us feel better when we have been stripped the right for all those.

In short, we live for the happiness of others. We will be nevertheless happy when someone sacrifices for you, well, maybe mourn a little when that someone actually did. This beautiful world is a masquerade. Everything, everybody that lives in it looks happy. We were all given a mask on our birth, had been taught how to wear it when we’re growing up, and finally learn how to keep it on for the rest of our lives ourselves. When others want to know you, they don’t want to know the real you. They never intended to because everyone behind that mask is another fucked up person. I personally don’t think that I could stand living with myself for a day. Hence, I became this person that would constantly yearn for other’s acceptation, despite any price that I would have to pay. Then slowly, I myself couldn’t differentiate what is real and what is false. After all that, I’ve come to conclude that everything and everybody is the same. There is only right when everybody else think so, what I think doesn’t matter.

suddenly

2007-04-21T11:36:00.000+08:00

oOlalalala.. i need a break.

the hardest part is leaving you

2007-04-16T18:19:00.000+08:00

listening to my chemical romance has got me thinking about life. not like i haven't thought about it before, i just realised how sad the world has become today. maybe it's not the world, it's who i've became through the years. i still haven't get to be the better me. i was talking to mady last two days ago, she told me that everyone is entitled to be responsible in their own search for better self. it's true, it's one lesson in life that no one could teach you. you might fall harder than others but what matters is that you lead the rest of the life being the better you.

i'm already 22 this year and had achieved nothing in my life yet. at least nothing that i could feel proud telling my grand children when i'm old. i don't want to die regretting a list of things that i should have done in the past but didn't. friends around me are going after someone or something that they want, i have nothing that i want, that i think it's worth for me to fight for. i've been quarelling with my boyfrend lately and i've cried two times recently. the saddest part is that i'm not crying because of the thing that we were arguing about, i cried because i'm sad. sad about everything else except for the relationship that i'm in. i have no one to blame for every relationship that i was in for. i'd always find fault in everything when there's really nothing wrong. perhaps i'm not ready for commitment yet, or responsibility for that matter.

i'd always wanted someone that doesn't feels the same for me, always rejecting those who were always by my side when i'm weak. yet, i don't think there's anything wrong with me. i believed that everyone had felt the same too. that is probably why we are always running after something that we knew we couldn't have and in the mean time, neglecting everything else important by our sides.

recommended: cancer-mcr

a-sign-men

2007-03-29T06:07:00.000+08:00

yesterday, or was it earlier today. no, it was earlier yesterday, we - the mighty procrastinators have again succeeded in pursuing our lecturer to postpone final year project presentation to next week Tue :) not much difference but we really need all the time we could get to be "that" close to completing the system. i cannot afford to fail any of the subjects.

well, i haven't been sleeping yesterday night again. yes, assignment's the culprit. i've got hypermedia presentation 830 am later and following by test 2. usm course is really murdering me, mentally and physically. but "i will survive~"!

well, i need to go back home and get all the lengthy and useless documentation printed now.

mocha frappucino

2007-03-23T14:27:00.000+08:00

i'm sitting here in starbucks, amcorp (the place i least expected anybody will see me here). my bf's working part time here, and why i'm here? the reason is solely because i have no where better to go i guess. i was finishing up my dss assignment just now and yeap, it's all done now. so i played a couple of o2jam (yes, i do play o2jam people!) anyway, now i've ran out of stuff to do, actually there's tons, but am not in the mood to do them. at least not in amcorp mall. i guess i'll go buy some "iBalance dragonfly" at the stall next to where i'm sitting now. looks cute, no idea what's it for though. i can't wait to get my hands on the balck parade, am so so very in love with "i don't love you" and as well as "disenchanted". the following will be my can't wait list:

can't wait to get all my stuff done so i could finally enjoy my long holiday
can't wait to finish up this ciggarette i have in between my fingers so i could type nicely without having ashes all over my keyboard
can't wait for to party again with "uuwee" bunch of friends
can't wait for everything to come to an end so i can breathe normal again
can't wait for arash to come cure my boringness
can't wait to bank in my cheque so that i won't have to live in poverty this month
can't wait to go back home so i could just lie down on my dusty bed
can't wait to annoy jonathan cause i think it has became part of my daily acticities
can't wait to buy new battery for my laptop so that it could live longer without the help of mr. adapter

i just can't wait. my battery's dying so i have to stop here.

it happens..

2007-03-21T14:08:00.000+08:00

i'm so bored, and yet i shouldn't have felt so. i have so much work to do, so little time to do them. i just filled myself up with bolognese just now, felt so good to be full. and here i am again, paying my usual visit to Picadilly. i am in the mood of trying something different today, so i ordered a "peppermint Portobello" instead of my signature drink - ice lemon tea with extra lemon and less sugar. guess what? this peppermint thingy suck! it tasted like dish washing detergent, lime flavor. never should have fell for the trick of ordering something with such fancy name. my bad.

assignments, there will never be an end to it. i'm so stressed, i'm constantly feeling the need or let's say urge to hit something or even someone. i'm starting to think that i'm destructive. yea, violence do not solve anything but it does help to make me feel better, alot better i should say. i have this crazy idea of putting another permanent mark on my body. my very last tattoo. i've already got this fairy on my back, a symbol of female and male closeness right on my ankle, thought of doing another one on somewhere.. private; where viewing pleasure is reserved for special someone. let's just see if i'm really going to do that.

i haven't seen my friends for a awful long time, kinda felt like i've disconnected with the rest of the world around me. now it's more like me and my trustworthy laptop all the way. surprisingly, i find it quite enjoyable. i've changed for sure, the usual me would have been whinning and complaining by now. since someone's here, maybe i should mention that the someone is no one else than arash himself; he's here and i should really be doing my dss assignment now. ciao! will upload the picture of my lovely fairy in the next blog :)

picadilly

2007-03-15T14:03:00.000+08:00

i had this "sickness" which translated directly into sleeping dead. once i sleep, i am as good as being dead. i've been missing classes because of this and i think it's getting serious nowadays. anyway, i'm in Picadilly again, nothing surprising since i've declared this place as my second home. the only thing that spoils my mood today is the person who is sitting next to me right now. as you have might already guessed, jonathan.

why 'o why am i stucked having to do my final year project with him? whatever. i'm squeezing my brain on the riddle game, and i supposed he's watching movie with his laptop. what's the point of having to meet up and so-called discuss about our final year project? it is his brilliant idea, again. it's not like i give a fuck anyway.

it's pouring outside, nicely described how i'm feeling now. well, i'll be going to zouk tonight, with jee and loong they all. it is someone's birthday, i wouldn't know for sure. well, gotta go take a piss now.

w h e n . y o u . g o . a w a y

2007-03-13T21:23:00.000+08:00

it has been such a long and dull evening day, judging by the look of 14 burn out dunhill menthol in the ashtray in front of me; another 5 contributed by arash. i should really be re-evaluating my smoking habit, it's getting worst and i have my lungs to prove that. anyway, my main purpose for being in picadilly is to do my final year project. instead, i got hooked at solving riddles. it was quite fun and challenging if u asked me. kill your brain cells.

ouverture-facile

my boyfriend just called, saying that he'll drop by. well, since i've had enough of my "alone-time", i'm kind of glad he did. i'm gonna stop blogging for now, and hopefully i'll continue blogging soon. oh yea! i'm hooked on mcr's i don't love you as well.