i've been good for one friday. that's what the boyfriend told me. last friday was the first friday that i was actually with him after for let's say a month. friday is the only day for months that i have for myself, and i like it that way. it's not too much to ask for eh? well, since last week is my "detox week", i guess this coming friday will be fun. yes, diane?? yes, everybody else that i'm gonna be partying with??

well, the air con in the room is in so the fucking good condition that i can feel my fingers freezing as i'm typing. anyways, something really weird happened to my body today. that something ultra weird happened to my hands, namely the palms of my hands. what happened to them is that i'm having spasmodic contraction of a muscle or group of muscles (yes, i did copy and paste it from an online dictionary) which simply meant cramps. weird, ain't it?

it's definitely not a good sign. doesnt mean that i'm dying from it either. it's just not a good sign. anything but good sign. i browsed through the mighty search engine known as google, and despite my incapability of using search engines, i couldnt find the causes to hand cramps which i intended to in the first place. so, i've decided not to further cause damage to my already severely damaged brain. i will settle with the old saying "the answers will come to you when you least expected it" (i'm not really sure if there's this saying or not, whatever..)

alrite, off to bed i go. ciao.

my headache is spiralling out of control!!

YESTERDAY: as i was sitting in the car, listening to the sound of clattering keys with some unfamiliar voices over the radio; i looked to my right, he wasn't there. of course he wasn't, he was outside filling in air for the tyres. haha. the many uneventful events that happened today got me into alot of thinking. he said i'm very different today, not very myself at all. yes, i happened to notice that too. i looked at him and thought, we've really came a long way. we've been through more than a couple who'd stayed together for 5 years. the honeymoon period slowly turns into a boring tale, and now, with the added flavors of meaningless arguments, things has gone from bad to worst. though i still very much miss the kind of feeling when i think he meant the whole world to me, how happy we were together (and still am some-times) that makes the rest of the happenings in the world seems like nothing, how he used to looked me in the eye and utter the words that makes me think that i want to spend the rest of my life with him. but the fact is, no one is the one.


TODAY: exhaustion and tiredness can really cause one to behave like a jerk. in this case, i'm talking about my full time. seriously, i felt like i've been blamed most of the time for things that i didn't do and that feeling, obviously sucks. he has this temper issue and lately, i am the victim. this is what happened just now; supposedly we went to the airport to get his brother around 11ish. he was obviously tired from work and i am not in my best mood as well. so we didn't talk much on the way there. on our way back, there's this "awas, pemeriksaan polis" out of nowhere. so yeap, it was the speed trap thingy and yes, his car's on the list. there's pretty much nothing we could do to prevent mr nicey-no-rasuah police to issue the speeding ticket. after that, the mixture of weariness and anger has totally gotten the hold of him. he started giving me such hard time confronting his sarcasm and made everything seems like it's my fault. yeah, i forced him to speed and yes, i could foresee the speed trap thingy and made a wise choice of not telling him. such bullshit, it is. maybe i'm just being over sensitive over stuff because i do admit that i'm not in my best behavior as well. still. nevermind.

i used to take everything that has anything to do with our relationship very personally. now, it seems like i don't want to care anymore. i'm so tired of all these crap. i've made a choice of not caring sub-consciously. i'm not saying that i don't appreciate what he has done for me and still am doing for me now, i am just falling out of love. yes, i believe that's the same feeling i had near the end of a relationship. the thing is i am not even sure anymore if i still loved him the way i used to last time. there's a thin line between being in love and simply just feeling "used-to" a relationship. whatever is it, i don't wanna think about it anymore now especially when i have unclear mind. just, whatever.

i realised that i've been blogging almost about my weekends only. well, it is the period where i did most things and hence, my happiest time of the week =) so, last friday. yes, we went to zouk loft again (chelsea dagger's been played - our song!!). this time around, i went with diane and amirul. supposingly celebrating robert's birthday. once i entered the much familiar cozy lil place, went into the washroom right on time before my bladder burst. eeks. anyways, since amirul wishes to be pissed drunk by the end of the night, i had 2 shots of tequilla with him (yess, tequilla's your best friend ^^) i was pretty much a happy person there due to several reasons.

1. tequilla helped alot =)
2. how could i not be happy when there's indie rock?!
3. had a little dose of happiness there.
   
4. seeing that someone (this is so wrong.. -__-)

anyways, as usual, there's after party. lis si gajah bundar joined us at rob's place as well. thanks to the miracle work of some you-know-what, i was friggin spacing out (in a good way ^^). i know that it's never really a good idea to be all too personal in blogs like this, especially when the whole world could read what you're writing. so yea, i had a very happy friday. enough said.

saturday has been, well, normal. diane woke me up from my beautiful sleep and we went home after that. i played dead for a lil while longer then wakes up in time to keep my promise to my sis. yes! i managed to make it to the fashion/hair show in the curve this time!! hooray for me! hehe. well, the whole things was a hair show by hairkunst and komplot was playing with them on stage. "berdansa bersama~" yippee, love the song. since most of the why i went there in the first place is because of my sis, she's doing this cat walk thingy for them. love the skinny jeans =) well, after the show, i went to dinner which some might say it's supper cause it's already almost 11pm. heck! was so hungry cause havent eaten for the whole day.

very lazy to type now, so, that's it. my weekly report =) will be posting some pic from the fashion show later, toooooo freakin' lazy now.

weekend's great! i've been to zouk loft (again!) last friday night. two couples was there, one being my constantly-feels-like-vomitting sister and her love dwen, and aryn with pidos =) diane was there too, so did ito, scott (hooray!) and robert (opps..) and ilyas (double opps..). i haven't seen ilyas for ages, saw him at the entrance and did the most awkward greeting ever. robert has been ultra nice to us, thanks for the beers again =) the dancing was fun, but diane and weimun and scott was having this 'bad' feeling so i didn't see them much in loft. instead, i think they were chilling downstairs most of the time.

the after party was over-the-head fun! all of us went to robert's place (my second time there, i think..). and yes, we kinda woke wilson up, poor wilson =p he only got a few hours of sleep in two days. i'm not gonna blog much about what we did there, i could only sum it all up with one word, fun (again..) hehe. maybe i wasn't being much of myself there, or it might just be the excessive thinking that i had going on and on in my head, i don't feel like going back - at all. it's great to just run away from all the fuss once in a while with all these great people. talking about it, i can't wait for next friday. we're gonna be celebrating robert's birthday there with i guess the same group of people.

i've learnt a few things over the weekend. life is all about trying out new things and going on new adventures, taking chances and risk losing what we already had. well, my brain's not quite "alive" yet, so i guess i'm gonna stop blogging now. before i accidently utter something that i shouldn't have.

current mood: confused yet relieved =)

time flies. my classes will be starting tomorrow. oh no! meaning no more sleeping late in the morning and waking up in late evening. i will have to adjust my personal time again, damn! talking about classes, it started at 9am every fucking day. i have to travel to kl somemore, this sucks! well, would like to just forget about it for a while. so i'm gonna be posting about the night out with the "lei lou mou" family in poppy =) hehe. was busy distracted by this bunch of *ahem* ladies shaking their asses whole night long next to our place. not a very nice sight though. lol.

so here's some kissy-kissy pictures we took the other night =)