Monday, April 16, 2007
listening to my chemical romance has got me thinking about life. not like i haven't thought about it before, i just realised how sad the world has become today. maybe it's not the world, it's who i've became through the years. i still haven't get to be the better me. i was talking to mady last two days ago, she told me that everyone is entitled to be responsible in their own search for better self. it's true, it's one lesson in life that no one could teach you. you might fall harder than others but what matters is that you lead the rest of the life being the better you.
i'm already 22 this year and had achieved nothing in my life yet. at least nothing that i could feel proud telling my grand children when i'm old. i don't want to die regretting a list of things that i should have done in the past but didn't. friends around me are going after someone or something that they want, i have nothing that i want, that i think it's worth for me to fight for. i've been quarelling with my boyfrend lately and i've cried two times recently. the saddest part is that i'm not crying because of the thing that we were arguing about, i cried because i'm sad. sad about everything else except for the relationship that i'm in. i have no one to blame for every relationship that i was in for. i'd always find fault in everything when there's really nothing wrong. perhaps i'm not ready for commitment yet, or responsibility for that matter.
i'd always wanted someone that doesn't feels the same for me, always rejecting those who were always by my side when i'm weak. yet, i don't think there's anything wrong with me. i believed that everyone had felt the same too. that is probably why we are always running after something that we knew we couldn't have and in the mean time, neglecting everything else important by our sides.
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