i just stepped out from the shower, feeling all clean now so I've decided to blog. My new job is starting this Monday, felt a little excited over working with the new company. I guess it's because one of my colleague is supposed to be bringing a bottle of wine to celebrate me joining the company that had caused all the excitement. Alcohol never fails to excite me nevertheless. Speaking of which, we should all rejoice and hail to the existence of alcohol! Enough with the new job/alcohol bit, last few days, i was partying with the girls in Diane's/Paul's place. It has been such long time we party that long. We started from about 11-ish at night and probably leave around 5pm the next day. Hooray to that! That's it, I'm running out of stuff to write. Carlsberg please!

i feel pathetic. i feel vulnerable. i feel weak. i've missed my crying day this month. i need to get away.

*totally random*

Are you really here or am I dreaming
I can't tell dreams from truth
for it's been so long since I have seen you
I can hardly remember your face anymore

When I get really lonely
and the distance causes our silence
I think of you smiling
with pride in your eyes a lover that sighs

If you want me satisfy me, if you want me satisfy me
If you want me satisfy me, if you want me satisfy me

Are you really sure that you’d believe me
when others say I lie
I wonder if you could ever despise me
when you know I really try
to be a better one to satisfy you
For your everything to me
and I’ll do what you ask me
if you’ll let me be, free

If you want me satisfy me, if you want me satisfy me
If you want me satisfy me, if you want me satisfy me
If you want me satisfy me, if you want me satisfy me

#if you want me by Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova [ from the movie 'ONCE']

people went petrol crazy last 2 days ago. It was announced and the increase of 1.92 to 2.70 were finalized. i wasn't about to join in the ridiculous queue for petrol but was obviously stuck in the jam caused by those petrol crazy people. i was told to avoid any road that has petrol stations at the sides, and so i've paid the toll and used the highway. anyways, i've seen how people can be so funny at times.

i left my office about 8 something. it wasn't long before i realised that i made the wrong turn and ended up joining the long queue. first, there was this lorry. i figured that the driver must be feeling really frustrated with the jam and so he had decided to do something outrageous. he suddenly decide to turn over to the opposite road, trying to go up and over the divider. ended up? the lorry got stucked on that divider, not able to move at all. everyone was laughing at him, he laughed himself too and start waving to the people around him.

AND THEN, there was this guy walking down the road, knocking on every car window and passed us this card that says: " use NGV, save petrol!!". the thing is, he had walk back and forth along this (approximately 100m or so?) road and i'm still pretty much stuck at the same spot. damn! the jam was terrible. first time i got stuck in a jam in freaking Kota Kemuning for about an hour or so.

i don't quite understand it though, it is not like you pump full tank and then it'll last you for a month? two to three more days the most? oh well, that's human. but it's people like this that puts a smile on my face when i'm thinking about it, it practically brightens up my day cause it's always funny to laugh at someone else. i know i'm mean but it's true!

So this is what you mean
And this is how you feel
So this is how you see
And this is how you breathe

SometimesI know
SometimesI go down deep
Oh
So this is what you mean
And this is how you feel
So this how you see
And this is how you breathe

SometimesI know
SometimesI go down deep
Oh
Beneath the deep blue sea
Touching every breath
All a slight off hand
For everything you left

SometimesI know
SometimesI go down deep
Oh
SometimesI give myself for you
SometimesI know down deep

note: loving this song so much! It's by Binocular - Deep.

i hate confrontation, who doesn't? right? But i've learned that it's something we all must go through. tough process. things happened for a reason, whether it's caused by own-self or for what ever reason there is. Facing the consequences is the hardest part of all. Letting go of the luxuries that were given to you is another thing, getting rid of the companionship one has gotten so used to, moving on to a new chapter of life with new faces around. Thoughts that slap you right on your face. anyways, bet all of you wouldn't know what i'm blogging up until now. Nevermind all that now. i gotta be heading out to tapao food.

it's a strange world we all lived in. something i thought is auricular, not anymore now. sometimes, it's funny how things had turned out to be. I really don't know whether to laugh along with it, or to cry because of it. emotions are barely useful at these times.

headache. panadol. fuck!

hungry.

I've been feeling really joyful for the past few days. well, you know when a girl says that she's happy, it's usually because of some guy. It's a norm, and this time, it's right. i've longed to feel this feeling of being so obsessed with someone, the feeling of wanting someone so badly but couldn't own; the thrill of the chase. Like i said, the best thing you'll ever have in life are things you could never get. Never could seemed to appreciate more once it is yours. anyways, yes. i'm happy. and yes. it's because of someone. at first, i thought that it was just another 3minutes stuff that i'm into and after that, i'll get over it. instead, this stays longer than it should. thus, it turns into something scary. maybe it should be served as a warning, but i'm no longer sure about that. so, me being my usual self. not going to deny it if it's real, and we'll just see how things will go from there.

as sinful as the demon from hell, here i add another thing to the list of things that earned me a bungalow in hell. deja vu. puddle of mudd playing on the screen is really just distracting my train of thoughts. but hey! it's the charlatans!! first time hearing them, pretty good shit.

right, i havent been blogging about the PD rave. let's see. journey to PD is a pretty good one, the jam doesnt really bother me since i dont have to drive. hehe. pity Jeff, the one driving all the way there (happily sipping his dutch lady milk). so we reach around 6pm, and the first destination - the Dome. it's really cool that they have it in rave, and i will demand that they have it in every rave there is in Malaysia. it's so cooling inside i barely want to leave. we had tons of beers (beers make people happy, so you should drink more). Met Alfred, havent seen him in ages but nothing much had changed about him. good thing, dont worry. anyways, tiesto starts spinning. we went out, it was a blast. was trippin' most of the time and yea, that's probably how i remembered the night. Heard a few stoopid things i've done there, not surprising. you have to know me long enough to think that these things werent even worth mentioning, hehe.

i have to say that i had fun. raves in PD couldnt go wrong, superstitious me. So, back to normal working life now. nothing extraordinary has taken place, i felt good about someone, no doubt about that. wasnt sure if it's love yet, it's still too early to determine anything. i'll blog once i have the chance to. hopefully soon.